Going off to visit my mother in the city of Chandigarh for about a week, where there is no email, except on my phone. I’m afraid my posts may smack of pride, as they probably do. I do not mean to imply I am a Mistress of Love and Loving. Just yesterday I had two or three frictional moments with Payson (small things, his asking me to keep the bathroom cleaner, for I am Queen of Litter, and a few other things), but we have both learned (perhaps it takes being in the sixties to learn this!) that instead of withdrawing from each other after friction and thorny moments, we acknowledge how we feel, allow ourselves to get irritated, but not hang on to the feeling, but be open when the other returns to apologize or touch. Much suffering and many failed relationships have taught us to be soft and humble.

I had a moment with my mother, too, ten days ago, where she tried to control and manipulate me. But I spontaneously yelled at her (she, who can’t stand to be answered back by anyone, seemed to take it), and felt very distant from her the whole day. But after my father died in 2007 I resolved I would not break with her for ANY REASON, that I would call her daily no matter where I am. I called her back the next day, things were awkward, but in another day or two things returned to normal. This brings me to the question of power and ego, which is another post.

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